(sizeable, but perfectly pointless?)

The morning

I tried to get out of bed
but couldn't 'coz I was dead.

A poem in which the title turns out to be longer than the poem itself

This poem
is shorter
its title.

Rainbow doggerel

I've lost my purple poem
Written by the purple Pud
So I'm sending you this rainbow one
Which isn't very good.
It can't say "Merry Crimbo!"
Or "Happy Blue New year"
Or be a Hallowe'en poem
That's gone yellow from its fear.
It's a bit of rainbow doggerel
The colour of a leek
'Cos the only thing to celebrate
Is a happy bloomin' week!

Ode to a 7 dimensional butterfly

Your antennae are rather long,
They stretch all the way to Hong-Kong.
But I'm sorry, I have to regret,
Your wings are slightly wet.


I dunno
Twinkles like stars
and stuff.

The Eight O'clock Poem

It's eight o'clock!
WOW - wibbly...

Marsupial darkness

"O for a single lozenge,
Flavour'd with juicy orange!"

Loretta Wimble, 1876


fizzle fizzle
crackle crackle
or is it Alka-seltzer

maybe I shouldn't watch so much TV?

boom boom boom
(must get that new pacemaker)
pound pound pound
(hmmm... that silly overdraft)
thump thump thump
(ANALYSIS time!)

well... it is blue, azure, shocking,
NO! Not the Conservative party...
oh no, how depressing...

Iffy Bob

I am Iffy Bob - not just a granny
But a super-mop.
I am the king of dirty tile floors
I'll slaughter the germs and soil.
Nothing gets past me - I'm it!
Reincarnation of death...
My name strikes fear
Into the heart of all:
"IFFY BOB!" I hear them scream,
"Iffy Bob has come to clean!"
And use me well and use me wise
For Iffy Bob destroys all those
Germs that are known to smile
(And are called Arthur).
Iffy Bob, Iffy Bob, Iffy Bob...
Buy 2 Iffy Bobs and get 1 Bob free!

Minimum wage wildebeest

I once tried to employ a gnu,
But you can't get the staff these days, can you?

Gerbils skiing

The world is flat
and that is that
To think of it as spherical
Is frankly quite hysterical.

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