SAFETY OF ELECTRIC EQUIPMENT - HOW TO WIRE A PLUG*
Equipment needed:
- Appliance to have plug fitted.
- Large bowl of soapy water
- Chisel / Pneumatic drill / Screwdriver.
- Plug (Optional).
Firstly, it should be pointed out that you should never attempt to wire a plug if you are, or have ever been, a member of 'The International Brotherhood of Freemasons'.
Procedure:
Please note it is entirely optional to use a plug. You may find it quicker and more convinient to stuff the wire up your left nostril, (however, this will not allow your electrical appliance to function at peak efficiency).
- Insert plug into wallsocket and switch on power.
- Using either a screwdriver/ chisel/ pneumatic drill, lever off the casing of the plug.
- Immerse your hands in the warm soapy water and chant a Gregorian lament.
- Grip the wire with your wet hands and press it firmly against the terminals of the plug, making sure that your hands come into contact only with the two metal plug terminals at the bottom of the plug (technically known as 'Live' and 'Neutral'; you may find the acronym SWIBLY to be a useful memory jogger).
- Gyrate convulsively whilst giving off smoke and the smell of burnt flesh.
If you are in doubt over this procedure, ask one of the porters to repeatedly strike you over the head with a copy of 'Fly Fishing Weekly'.
Please note: the afore-mentioned method has been granted full approval by the I.E.E.E (Institute of Eccentric Electrical Engineers).
DISCLAIMER: The University Of York can take no responsibilities for injuries recieved whilst rolling around the M25 going 'Bing! Bong'.
This notice is sponsored by the 4th Degree Burns Unit, York Infirmary (Head Plastic/Rubber Surgeon: Dr X Q Aaardvark).
PS Always remember to use the correct fuse, or alternatively a 3/4" nail.